I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
