so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
