His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
