My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
