It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
