Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
