Sponge bath it is.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
