Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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