I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
