I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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