so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
