I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
