I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
third nipple confirmed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
