Got a toothbrush?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
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