well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
