I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
