she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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