I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
