She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize