Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize