i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
