there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
