Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
