he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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