I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
