in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
