Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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