I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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