I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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