Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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