in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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