This girl is more easily done than said...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
