I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
