I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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