I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
