My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she peed on how many people?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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