HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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