it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
