I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
