my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
