My liver just broke up with me...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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