WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
