I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
