I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
