I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
being pregnant is like rehab
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
