....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
