I am puke
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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