Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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