4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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