you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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