You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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