Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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