My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
