Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
