I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
