HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
