Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
