i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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