It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just want to make out with him forever
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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