shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
