I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
