Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
