i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
