how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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