i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
