I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
someone owes me an orgasm
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
