Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
